Thursday, January 19, 2017

Commitment... or Lack Thereof

I'm at a stage in my life right now where I'm really struggling with commitment. I want to do so many things, but staying consistent & committed is my downfall. It isn't that I lose interest, or that I purposely back out of things, it's that something else always seems to come up that derails my plans, my goals. 

I was thinking about this as I was logging my food this morning. Something I only seem to be able to manage doing 3 or 4 days a week versus the 7 that I used to. I thought, "If only I were more committed to this. The weight would be coming off. I'd feel better." It's the same conversation I keep having with myself about exercise. "If only you were more consistent with your workouts, you'd be in such good shape." It's the same conversation I have about coaching, blogging, reading my devotional, creating materials for TPT. The lists goes on & on. I have the desire to do so many things, but lack the time to do them well. 

All those little conversations throughout the day, all those little, "if only I were...."'s have started to weigh on me. I don't feel like I'm good enough at anything right now. I feel stretched too thin on a daily basis. If I want to be a good teacher, I have to miss Ella's field trip. If I want to be a good mom, I need to cancel cheer practice for dance class. If I want to be a good coach, I need to be at the gym 15 hours a week & drag my kids with me. If I want to eat healthy dinners, I need to leave the gym at a reasonable hour. At what point do I say enough is enough? What do I let go of? I'm not sure I'll ever have an answer. I struggle with prioritizing the many things I love. No matter what I choose to leave behind, I'm afraid I'll be left with a hole in my life.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this. It just needed to come out. In the meantime, I'm just going to keep breathing. Keep reminding myself that I am enough. 

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